Here to Make Amends
by AkinaNe
Summary: Someone from Kensi's past returns.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone!**

**This is just a little something that came into my mind as I was listening to "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. Here's the first chapter, and I should be posting the next in a couple of days.**

**Disclaimer: the characters of NCIS:LA don't belong to me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I paced along the sidewalk. I knew my doctor thought this was a great idea (_"You need to make amends."_), but honestly, half the time I didn't like the guy. How this was supposed to _help_ I had no clue.

I paused in my walking to look up at the apartment. The lights were on and accompanied by flickering through the shades. She was watching TV. I hugged my jacket closer. Top Model, if I knew her at all.

_Kensi_.

God, what the heck was I thinking doing this? But now that she was this close, so close, I couldn't walk away. Slowly, I started up the walk, berating myself with each step. _This is a horrible idea. What do you think you're doing? She probably wants to forget all about you._

With a trembling fist I knocked on her door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter, as promised :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Deeks! Stop it! Give me the remote." Kensi lounged for it, but Deeks leaned as far away as possible so she couldn't reach. She realized then how she was lying across Deeks' chest, his face right above hers. Usually she'd sit back like she'd been burned and say, "Remote. Now." This time she decided to have some fun.

"Deeks," she said, settling back slightly and trailing her hand down his chest. "Can I pleeeease have the remote?"

He looked at her with those baby blue eyes that occupied her life, day and night. "There's no way you're going to seduce me into surrendering the remote, Kens." Those beautiful eyes lit up with a challenging smile.

She sighed, but wasn't prepared to give up the game yet. "Please, Deeks?" Her hand traveled back up his chest and went around the back of his neck, tangling in his hair. God, she loved his hair, even if she teased him about it constantly. She leaned in making sure plenty of space remained between their faces. Space meant it wouldn't be so tempting to lower her lips to his. She let her gaze go back to his and leaned a little closer, biting her bottom lip. "Please?"

There was a long moment where neither of them moved. Deeks looked at her, eyes wide, drinking in her nearness. He wordlessly handed over the remote.

Before popping back to her place with a smile of victory, Kensi leaned in closer again and whispered, "Thank you," as innocent as a baby. Deeks groaned in frustration.

"You conniving woman."

Kensi laughed and made sure to hold her prize tightly. "Don't take it personally. I can be very persuasive. You're just a victim of my enchantment."

What Deeks was about to say was lost to her as someone knocked on the door. She frowned; it was late for visitors. She glanced at Deeks and saw he was thinking the same thing. He motioned to the coffee table where they both had their guns.

Kensi slipped hers into the back of her jeans and walked over to the window. She tried to get a glimpse of the person, but all she could see was someone hunched over. She shook her head and opened the door.

It was like the whole world stopped for the split second it took for her to see the man's face. That was all it took for her life to be twisted upside down and backwards. Again.

* * *

** Cliff hanger! ;) The third chapter should be up either tomorrow or Monday. See you then!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, this is soooo late. I apologize. Life slammed me out of nowhere and my entire week didn't go as planned. I hope this is worth the wait!**

**To those who reviewed, thank you so much! It means a lot! I promise you, I will reply to each and every review as soon as I get the time to sit down, read over each one and reply. Thanks again to everyone who reviews, follows, faves and reads.**

**I won't delay you any longer. Here you go!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_It was like the whole world stopped for the split second it took for her to see the man's face. That was all it took for her life to be twisted upside down and backwards. Again._

The breath caught in the back of her throat. Where, how, why… She wondered if there was anything she could've done to be prepared for this. She was pretty sure the answer was no.

"Jack." His name finally made it past her frozen tongue and gaping lips. Where had he come from? Why now, years later? How did he find her? Why did he come back? Why, why, why?

He looked at her with those warm, brown eyes she'd fallen for so long ago. They looked like before. Before he'd gone to war. "Kensi." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his one nervous gesture. "I—" He cut off at the sound of another man's voice.

"Kens?"

She blinked away the blur in her eyes. Holding onto the door for support she looked back to Deeks who still stood in a defensive posture. "Deeks, this is…"

Deeks gave her a look that said 'I know who he is. I figured it out when, I don't know, you called him Jack.'

Kensi cleared her throat. "Jack, this is my partner. Work partner," she amended quickly. "We're co-workers. And friends, I guess. Sometimes." She clamped her mouth shut. Was she honest-to-god _babbling_?

A garbage can clattered out on the street and Jack flinched. For a second he was after-Jack again, tense and ready to fight. He took a deep breath and calmed. "Can I come in?" His voice was rougher than she remember.

She stepped aside.

Silence descended. If it had been a normal silence, and if it had just been her and Jack, Kensi would've welcomed it. Jack and her had spent hours in comfortable silence. But this, this felt heavy and thick. It crawled over her skin until she felt the need to itch.

Desperately she glanced at Deeks. Of all the times he couldn't come up with one thing to say…

As she watched he glanced between her, Jack and the floor. Deeks scratched the back of his head where Kensi's fingers had been only minutes before. "Maybe I should go," he finally stated. "See you tomorrow, Kensi?"

"No!" He wasn't seriously thinking of leaving her here to fend for herself? Jack gave her a strange look, picking up on her insistence. Insistence because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle being along with Jack. Hopefully, with someone else to witness the spectacle she'd be able to keep her emotions bottled up.

Deeks gave her a searching look then shrugged. "Okay. I'll just… watch TV then." He sat down on the couch and with a forced look of comfort turned the volume way up.

Kensi, with nowhere else to go led Jack into the small, neighboring kitchen. She gripped the edge of the counter behind her tightly.

Jack leaned against the other counter, studying the floor. "Guess you've moved on." He eyes flickered briefly to Deeks.

She flinched. She thought she had, until he'd shown up. "No. Deeks and I, we aren't like that. Just colleagues." A little voice in the back of her mind whined about how 'just colleagues' didn't seduce each other over a TV remote. _I was practicing undercover work_, she snapped back. _Riggggght_, said the voice.

To quiet the voice she asked, "So, how have you been?"

He shrugged. "I'm been okay. You?"

"I'm…" scarred by you leaving me. "Good."

There was a long pause where they surveyed each other. He looked drawn and tense, not relaxed and ready to conquer the world. Kensi had a hard time putting old-Jack and this man side by side.

"Why are you here, Jack?" All of a sudden she was tired. She wanted Jack gone. She had put him behind her, and now he was back.

"My doc thought it would 'be beneficial for me to make amends'."

_Nate would say the same_, she thought. But it wasn't that simple. Al of a sudden her tiredness bloomed into anger, adding fire to the mass of guilt in her chest. "Make amends? Make amends?"

He looked surprised, as if the idea that Kensi wouldn't want to hadn't occurred to him. She leaned forward, her fingers digging into the grout undersurface of the counter. "I couldn't help you, Jack. I never tried hard enough, right? I failed you. So you got up and left. On Christmas. Now you want to make amends?"

Flabbergasted, she decided. That was the only word that truly described his face right then.

"You never failed me, Kensi! You tried your hardest to help me! Everything about you was amazing."

She poked him hard in the chest. "Don't lie to me, Jack! You said—" Her voice broke off in pain. "You said, that coming home to me, me! Was like _hitting the ground_. You know what people do when they hit the ground? They stand up and move on, and that's exactly what you did! So _don't_ say I didn't _fail_ you!"

Kensi had completely forgotten about Deeks' presence until Jack's eyes flickered in his direction. So much for keeping her emotions bottled up. She could only guess at how loud her voice had risen. When she snuck a look at Deeks she saw that all pretenses of actually watching TV had fallen again

When Jack realized Kensi was looking at Deeks to his glance turned into a glare. "Don't pretend like she's perfectly right. You only know her side of the story," he hissed, his eyes narrowed threateningly.

Deeks stood up, but didn't move closer. As he spoke he looked only at Kensi. "All I know is that you left her. I know that you broke her heart so bad that how many years later it was, she still cried when she talked about you. I know that you made her walls miles thicker by the time I met her."

Kensi blushed and huffed up. "I didn't cry!"

Deeks gave her the look.

"A few tears," she admitted. "And an emotional outburst. But I was not crying."

Jack turned back to her, his shoulders slumped and the pain apparent in his eyes. "I thought it would be best for me to go. I loved you and I wanted you to be happy."

"I was happy with you." Her words were filled with bitterness.

Jack closed his eyes tight and grabbed her hand. "I loved you, Kensi. So much. I was protecting you by leaving."

Kensi's hand tensed within Jack's. She wondered what Deeks thought about this. Not that she cared. When she looked his way she saw him shake his head. "Deeks?"

"I…" He wet his lips. "It's nothing."

"Deeks."

He too a deep breath and muttered, "You asked for it," before speaking for real. "Sometimes people leave for their loved ones, but…" he trailed off and Kensi nodded for him to continue. "My experience has shown me that people are awfully selfish. It may mean having a better life, but they can't let the one they love go. So they stay."

Deeks' face had gone carefully black and Kensi wondered if this insight had somehow come from his childhood. She wanted to reach out and comfort him. Jack looked like he wanted to punch him.

"Sorry to ruin your theory," he spat, "but I'm not like that. I don't fit into typical boxes. I didn't think before I left. I just went."

Kensi drew herself up. "You mean you didn't even think it through?"

This time when Jack looked at her, there was panic in his eyes. Abruptly he pushed past her, knocking into her shoulder and sped to the door. "I got to go. It was stupid coming here. Your boyfriend's obviously taken my place."

Kensi didn't react until the door slammed close.

"Wait! Jack!"

She ran past Deeks and out the door in her bare feet. The pavement was cold beneath her feet and she winced as soft skin met sharp bits of asphalt. She made it just as he unlocked his car. "Jack!"

"What?" He snarled and Kensi realized how jumpy he still was.

"Just… you wanted to make amends."

He ran his hands over his face and leaned against the car.

"What was going through your head?"

He took a deep breath. "You're right. I didn't think it through. That night, I just got up, put on clothes, packed a bag and left. I wasn't thinking. I just did it."

"I looked for you everywhere."

He ignored her. "That year, on your birthday, I had the phone in my hand all day."

"Why didn't you call?"

"I kept telling myself this was better for you. You didn't need a sick man pulling you down. You were so carefree when you met me. You had your problems and scars, but everyone does. I came back from my tour and I was sick and you just wanted to help. I was watching you burn apart for me."

Kensi stepped closer. "I was okay with burning for you."

He gave her a sad look. "These past years, I haven't been sleeping well. I just keep replaying me leaving, over and over. If I could go back, I would change my mind. I wouldn't let myself leave.

"But back then I kept remembering you smiling and laughing and dancing and being so happy. When I got back you always seemed so… I miss you, Kensi. Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your personality."

He snorted. "I don't know why I came. Stupid, pointless hope that you'd take me back, I guess. I was imagining me swearing to you I'd do better. But that's not going to happen.

"We've changed. If I could go back, I would. But you don't love me anymore."

She reached out for him. "That's not true. I love you, Jack. I'm just not in love with you anymore." Her hand dropped back to her side. What he said, about her changing, was true. On so many levels, she wasn't the same woman she'd been.

He gave her a funny look.

"What?"

"I can hear it in your voice that you're not in love with me anymore. You don't say my name like you used to." He refused to look at her and got into the car.

"I'm sorry, Jack." She blinked back hot tears and swallowed hard.

He turned the key in the ignition.

"Wait, Jack, please don't—"

He hit the gas.

"—go." She was left standing on the street, breathing exhaust.

* * *

**The next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

She stared down the dark street long after he'd disappeared. The image of taillights veering around the corner replayed in her head. Eventually she realized that the gritty pavement was biting into her feet and she trudged back into her apartment.

Deeks had turned off the TV and was staring at the wall. As she came in he looked up, but didn't say anything.

She fell onto the couch and leaned her head over the backrest trying to keep the tears from overflowing.

"So," he started, trying to ease the tension. "Do we really make such a convincing couple that even your ex thinks—"

"Don't, Deeks."

He instantly fell quiet then tried again. "I'm sorry—"

"Don't."

He nodded once and returned to staring at the wall.

Seeing Jack leave had broken the cork on her emotions and they were spilling out with nowhere left to go. Wet tracks formed on her temples as hot tears ran into her hair. Containing her misery was impossible.

"It's just that he left. Again." A sob broke the last word into pieces and she drew herself together into a tight ball. "He says he loves me and then he goes."

Deeks remained wordless as he tugged Kensi into his side. He laid his cheek on top her head and held her as she cried. He shifted his position and Kensi grabbed onto his shirtfront with reflexes he was all too familiar with.

"Don't go," she begged. "Please don't go too."

"Shh. I'm not going anywhere," he said gently. _Except maybe after Jack._ He glared at the door. No one should get away with leaving his partner in such a mess.

But he contented himself with just holding Kensi close as she watched her carefully built walls come crumbling down for the same reason that she'd built them.

* * *

**My muse was killed during the past few weeks by absurdly difficult prompts from my creative writing teacher. Sorry about that. But the (final?) chapter is finally here! I was planning on this to be the end unless you readers would be interested in more?**

**I hope you liked it! To everyone who reads, reviews, faves, or follows, thanks so much! You're awesome!**


End file.
